The Search For Personal Identity

Teenagers and young adults are on a quest for a unique identity wholly their own.
This search often leads them into the realm of rebellion as they try to break the bonds of their conception of other people's preconceptions.
Teenagers will dissociate themselves from their parents and associate themselves with their peers.
This often is very destructive.
Understanding the need and nature of this identity crisis is important. At some point in our lives we seem to have a desire to break free from the expectations of those who raised us.
Be it parents, teachers, or other authority, teenagers and young adults alike try to free themselves from this preexisting expectations. The desire for this is strong in most individuals.
There are several factors that contribute to this dark and dangerous need: The desire to do and be what they want without the constraint of other people's expectations.

The desire to fit in with a certain group that would likely be unacceptable to the authority in their lives.
To desire to explore forbidden areas of life denied them by the authority in their lives.

The desire to be unique without being different. I know, it sounds like a contradiction. There are certainly others, but these mark the most prevalent factors in the search for their own identity.

Young people the world over seek individual freedom while doing everything possible to look like, act like, and talk like another group.
More often than not, they see their parents as 'normal' and their friends as 'unique'.

They don't want to be different than their friends, but they do want to be different than their parents. This is a very dangerous time for a young person.
So many of the decisions they make now will set the tone for the next twenty to forty years.
There are some things that the wise parent or counselor needs to be aware of when dealing with a 'rebellious' young person.

Association with one group will mean automatic disassociation with opposing groups. This can't be helped.
I pastor a Church.
When I see a young person that loves God, loves the Church, and loves his parents begin to disassociate himself from these areas of his life, I know that he is associating with another group that doesn't love God, Church, or parents. This is a given. Gangs force association with only a select group of individuals and demand disassociation with other gangs.

It is a natural part of association.
When a teenager begins to disassociate himself from his parents, there is someone, somewhere he has begun to associate with.
In all likelihood, the association is a bad one.

But the young person can't help but do it.

Their habits, attitudes, actions, and likes will all change.
Things like TV, games, music, and interests will all change. This is a sure sign of a new association.
The search for an identity will lean a young person to break away from the perceived status quo.

The status quo will normally be seen as the parents and other authority in the young person's life.

A young person needs to find his identity, but breaking away from the wisdom of the parents and other authority usually leads to disaster.
Try to make the status quo everything else and what you are different.
Let me explain by way of example.

I grew up in a solid Christian family. To help me realize the uniqueness and specialness of my situation, my father would often encourage me to be different than everyone else.
When the public High School I attended forbade Bibles on campus, my dad encouraged me to rebel against it.
I took a Bible to school.

My father very wisely channeled my rebellion and search for an identity in such a way that I saw what my father and mother had as unique and special.

I saw what went on at school as the status quo.
I enjoyed bucking the system.

In this way, I accepted my parent's values and morals as part of my own identity. Give your young person a sense of identity and uniqueness. A parent can give this to a son or daughter.

At a very early age, my parents would tell me how proud they were of what I was already.

They helped me to be comfortable with who and what I was.
I grew up very secure and confident.
This was the gift given to me by my parents. Do this for your own children. If they are secure in who they are and what they are, they will have no need to try and find another identity.